


Never Burgle the Burglar (Lest a Pack of Dwarves Comes after You)

by HallsofStone2941



Series: Bag End's Boisterous Bagginses [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Shire, Bifur's good with kids, Bilbo and Balin are so done, Dwarves in the Shire, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hobbits tried to take Bilbo's things, Humor, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, it doesn't go well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-08 04:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3195662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HallsofStone2941/pseuds/HallsofStone2941
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon arriving at the Shire to find Bilbo's things being auctioned off, the Company of Thorin Oakenshield has a rather...dramatic reaction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this post](http://thehighfunctioningburglar.tumblr.com/post/108390810644/okay-but-imagine-thorin-going-back-to-the-shire). Just a cute little thing I couldn't resist doing.

For the tenth time, Bilbo resists the urge to hold his head in his hands. He resorts to puffing fervently at his pipe, a sentiment that is echoed by the only sane Dwarf in the Company. Balin does not have quite the restraint Bilbo does, for all his years of dealing with the Line of Idiots, and so the cloud of smoke erupting from the Dwarf’s pipe goes largely unwatched, as a gloved hand has made permanent residence on the white-haired Dwarf’s face.

From their vantage point on the Hill, the two can see the remaining members of the Company of Thorin Oakenshield running around and chasing Hobbits like dogs after chickens. Many of Bilbo’s softer relatives have already relinquished their greed-driven purchases, which are now piled up in a haphazard mess outside of Bilbo’s door. Eventually everything will need to be moved inside and put in its proper place, but Bilbo has a sneaking suspicion that (despite the Dwarves’ assurances that they only have intentions to take him home) Bag End is suddenly going to get much louder and much less empty.

Bilbo rises in concern as Thorin strides up the path, one of the Sackvilles slung over his shoulder and swearing Thorin up and down in a manner most unrespectable - not that the Sackvilles have ever much cared about that, but it would be bad form if Bilbo did not at least try to get him released. 

"Thorin…" Bilbo trails off as the Hobbit is turned upside down over the pile of Bilbo’s possessions and shaken roughly. Bits and bobs of silver fall out of folds in the Hobbit’s clothes, along with other things, and it takes several minutes before nothing else reveals itself. Bilbo is somewhat red, but the sight of his prized possessions falling out of a  _Sackville’s_  pockets keeps his tongue from offering Thorin a rebuke. He makes one last attempt to scold Thorin as the Dwarf hauls the Hobbit under his arm, but is cut off rather wonderfully by the warm mouth pressed suddenly and passionately against his. Bilbo melts and stands there, dazed, as Thorin carries the still-nattering Hobbit back down the path before dropping him unceremoniously next to a mud puddle. The Dwarf then darts his head around, seeking a new target, before taking off after another stubborn Hobbit.

Farther in the distance, Bilbo catches sight of the gold- and dark-haired heads of Fili and Kili working in tandem. Gloin appears to be haggling with a rather stout Proudfoot, and Bifur has somehow befriended the braver of the Hobbit children and is dispatching them in tiny, irresistible legions of terror to reclaim some of Bilbo’s smaller possessions.

"Best get used to it, lad," Balin offers, though his hand still covers his eyes. "They’ll find a way to stay, whether you want them to or not."

Bilbo remembers Thorin’s promise - to stay with him in the Shire until the end of their days. The rest of the Company had never been part of the plan - but really, in what world would the Company of Thorin Oakenshield leave their leader to face domesticity alone?

A smile appears easily on Bilbo’s face. “Well, Bag End was never built for one Hobbit.”


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, guys! Just wanted to let you know that I am continuing this story, though it won't have a set timeframe (more like whenever the idea and the time comes along). It is going to be posted as a series called "Bag End's Boisterous Bagginses" (say that ten times fast). Please know that any and all suggestions are welcome, as I would love for this to be an ongoing collection but will probably need help keeping it interesting - and who better to let me know what is interesting than my wonderful readers?

Anyway, the second installment will be posted in a couple of days (it has been written, but is in desperate need of editing), so keep both eyes open! 

Hallsy out!

**Author's Note:**

> And then Bombur and Gloin bring their families to the Shire and Dis comes and meets Bilbo and it's really too many people in Bag End but Bilbo wouldn't have it any other way and suddenly the Baggins Family is big again and Frodo grows up with a bunch of uncles and cousins and grandpas and yes yes I need all of this
> 
> EDIT: several people have asked for continuations of this fic - due to rl time constraints, it's unlikely that I could continue this universe even if I had ideas for it. You can consider it on hiatus, if you want, but there's no guarantee I'll come back to it - this was a quick thing I wrote to satisfy an urge, and I simply can't commit to more given the way my life is going right now


End file.
